My computer cam back a  few days ago so I’m back in business. My health is improving each day so I look forward to attacking the large pile of work in front of me as well continue to audition and finish my demo reel.

I don’t have much else to say, since I know no many people read this. But I thought I might as well update it. XD

Things have been so downhill it’s not even funny. I’m in a casting slump for one and then to make it worse my computer died. I JUST got it a few months ago and BAM, won’t turn on. So instead of being able to work on stuff and a new demo reel to perhaps start 2010 off right, I’m at a halt.

Thankfully, the computer is under warranty so I shipped it back to be fixed. Also, this time around I have my mom’s old PC to use. I’ve been able to chit chat with people and record auditions. However, for some reason it only records stereo in on channel (left side) so I’m weary of actually recording many lines due to quality.

Not to mention the usual frustrations. Trying as hard as possible and yet not seeing much for it. I try hard, I put myself out there, I audition as much as possible and keep practicing but still less talented hack jobs get noticed. And no, it’s not envy. I envy people with actual talent who have reason for their praise. It’s them I want to be like.

I did get back a really positive critique for an audition I did though, it made me happy. They noted that I had improved since the last time I auditioned for them. However, the role I truly want, my voice doesn’t fit for. Amazing acting but as usual, my old geezer voice gets in the way. I wish I knew how to better expand on the higher range area without sounding fake or cartoony.

Ah well, I guess that’s part of the process. It’s only been a year so I shouldn’t expect to be amazing any time soon. It would be nice if the projects I actually get a part in came out though. ¬.¬

Aside from all that, my hiatus is part computer and part personally. I may seem wordy at the moment because I’m sitting in a hospital waiting room. I’m supposed to have surgery today if everything goes well so I won’t be around until the weekend depending how I feel. I’m very bored, tired and hungry along with nervous. I should be under the knife by now but shit takes so long at these places!

I don’t want to get into too much detail and I’ll cut this post here (no pun intended) since I know most of this is because I’m bored and have no one to talk to at the moment. But I needed an update so why not a chunky one.

The time stop thing is a lil inside joke…don’t ask. XD

The holiday season was a fizzle this year. I find it hard to believe last year was so much more active and this one was like meh. I also find it hard to believe I’m still doing this VA stuff; it’s almost been a year!

I started off with a bang but now I’m sort of leveling out. I’ve been lazy about a lot of things ever since I got this new computer. Two months not doing anything really killed my momentum and I have yet to truly get it back. Plus I’ve hit a dry spell when it comes to being cast in things.

But I did end the year with 12 flash credits under my belt (not counting the ones I didn’t get co-author in) and five awards. Think that’s good for a first year. Fandub front has been pretty meh, so many projects people don’t finish. Machinima front has been level but still not where I’d like it to be. Audio projects go the same route as fandubs, too many unfinished projects.

Adult project front looks a bit better. Love Quest should release this year hopefully in this month or the next. Working on another game, non-flash. I have been very bad about checking into the visual novel market. I did it eagerly before but lately I’ve just been afraid to take on too much work.

New Year’s resolution? To stop being lazy and go back to working myself to death!

Not much to say. I’m in one of my moods. Auditioned a little, recorded a few lines. Been happily doing lines for DCVerse projects. Gotta love comic books! Plus, unlike cliche anime/game fandubs, most of the characters are actual adults! There are more options for me aside from “mom” “aunt” “teacher” and “old lady.” Well, I do like playing super sexy or evil characters but they don’t pop up enough. And there are other people who can apparently do them better so once again, failure for me.

Speaking of fail, I’m barely getting any critique or feedback from posting up my rough demo reel samples. Only like two people offered anything valid. Friends of course gave the usual “Sounds good” bullshit. But I need actual FEEDBACK to improve. I want a new demo reel by next year. ><

Birthday is on the 23rd.

Totally not related to voice acting but…As the World Turns is going off the air next year! I heard it on the news, sad face! The show has had its ups and downs (since I started watching it) but I’m still sad to see it go. It wasn’t one of my favs, though. But it seems like soaps are dying off. First Guiding Light (which I didn’t watch) and now this. It’s a shame.

Oh, and Dexter is an amazing series and I can’t wait until Sunday. Last episode was SOOO good and the ending when Arthur finds out who Dex really is was so intense. I watched it like twice.

As for voice acting land, it’s level. I was iffy last post and then a friend made it sort of worse so I didn’t record at all that day. They were upset they didn’t get cast in something and about something else and wanted to quit VAing (though I doubt they will) so whatever I said sort of didn’t seem to cheer them up which made me feel meh because I didn’t want them to be sad. ><

But I have gotten some work done since then and a few auditions. I even did my first gig for pay! It was only twenty bucks and I had to record a voice mail for a company but hey; I felt accomplished. lol I’m also trying to buckle down and produce a new demo reel for next year. It’ll mark my one year doing all this so I want the new reel to show I’ve gotten better than when I started.

However, I wish I knew how to fix my damn enunciation more. I dunno why I slur certain words.

My moods go up and down in a horrible cycle. It’s something I’m used to but when it comes to voice acting it gets in the way. I’ve seen a few other VAs who do it and I try not to do so in a public way, however things just eat at me.

Despite being cast in things and being scouted for things it still really gnaws at me when I don’t get a part I wanted. Even though I had little hope of getting said part, it still feels like a world of pain. I’ve tried out for the character in multiple projects but never get the part so I’m starting to think it’s just not meant for me; which is rather disheartening.

I’m not doubting my skills since I get other parts but I guess I’m just realizing it’s time to give up on this one. Of all my vocal self doubts is that, even if I am skilled and get roles I can’t do the voice type I want to do or can’t sound the way I want to sound. I gave up a long time ago on roles that went against my voice type and now it’s time to give up on this certain character; I’ll just stick to being people’s mothers.

In other news, I haven’t been doing much. I sent out a few auditions, got a few new parts and did a few more lines. I’ve been slacking off talking to people. Despite still being annoyed at certain people I do enjoy talking to some. I’m having a bit of trouble juggling talking to people and doing lines and ya know…actually sleeping. lol

Annoying. I don’t want to get into deep, meaningful detail but let’s just say; it sucks when you get that warm, fuzzy family feeling towards the holidays but the day actually falls short. However, nothing went bad so it’s not a big deal. Only really pissed off part is that it’s hard for me to record. I need my space, my peace and quiet!

I did some small auditioning, haven’t had a chance to record lines. And my mood is souring which is bad. I need to record soon before my mood totally falls south.

I feel like bitching about the VAA and VAing in general. But, I won’t. Instead…I’ll leave on up note. Through M.com, I ran into a pro-VA. Someone who actually gets paid. :O It’s interesting, they’re like 35, it’s such a change from the usual fair of people I run into. I haven’t actually spoken much with the person; however they seem nice. I was shocked to see someone like that offering to VA for free and stuff, it’s nice to know. I know if I ever go pro (which I won’t because I suck) I’ll still fit in my usual on line VA stuff.

So there’s a certain person, who shall remain nameless, who had a certain flame parody made of them and then got butthurt. Now the smart, adult thing to do would be to ignore it, but said rocket scientist instead posted a comment, which of course got BALETED. But it doesn’t stop there. Said genius then posted a journal entry bitching and blaming the moderating system for it getting axed. Now, of course said annoying fanboys of said person will rally and bitch with said person. And of course, said person will continue to think the world revolves around them.

As much as I like doing what I do, at times, I fear ever getting to the point where I have “fans” that do nothing but kiss my ass. I also don’t want e-fame to get to my head. I’ve seen it happen way too many times. Despite striving to be the best, I’ve had those small tastes of fame and power and really; they’re not all they’re cracked up to be. You never know when people actually like you or if they’re just kissing ass.

As for my buddy lists, I cleared a few names. I sent messages to people who I didn’t know. Got a few replies which resulted in more clearing out. Some people reminded who they are which was cool and I guess I reminded them who I was. I was just going to boot all the dead weight off but it was better to send messages. I forgot people’s names but other people also forget so gotta give them the benefit of the doubt.

The mass cleaning that’s happening makes me feel better. I’m still peeved at so called “friends” who don’t make effort to say anything. But that’s life and for now, I can’t do anything about it for now. The people I do talk to are good, Saturday there was a good Skype call with Mr. West and a few other people. I like his Skype chats, he keeps things in order and invites cool people, usually.

I auditioned for a few things. So far got one part, lost another. It was funny, I thought I did well on both auditions, though the one I lost out on isn’t a big deal. It’s some abridged thing and I doubt it’s going anywhere. I don’t mind doing abridged series but there way too many of them and so many of them are not funny. Speaking of not funny…teenage boys are not funny. (Some are but that’s not the point) I would go into details why but I won’t for now. Let’s just say I hate projects that call for “group meetings” on Skype. I like to do my lines and send em, that’s it.

And speaking of males in general…why can they never get what we women are thinking?! I know they’re not psychic but sometimes it’s pretty darn obvious, ya know? Oh well.

So I’ve set up a one week deadline for people to actually show signs of life. I’ve been back for nearly a month and yet some names on my buddy lists haven’t even said a simple hello. Some names I gotta keep for voice acting reasons. Others, like random adds, can go. Hell, I wish I could get rid of damn near everyone since only a few even bother to talk to me but whatever. I’m in it to voice act, making friends is just a useless side note. Obviously I’m not meant to have friends.

Now, too bad it’s not that simple. My mood has been horrible lately and that effects my work. I’m gonna to try and buckle down this morning and poop out some lines and auditions.

On the bright side, the adult project I’m working on is moving right along and should be done by next week. Also, I downloaded a few free MMORPGs to give myself something to do. Ya know, during those times when I’m bored but can’t record due to background noise. Just play a game to pass the time.

Perfect World, Angels Online, Dragonica Online, Atlantica Online, Jade Dynasty and Dragon Oath. You play any of those? :p

I’m up late again. I can’t sleep again. I can’t do much of anything again. I’m trying to record but I’m not getting very far. I did a few small scripts. I’m not ready to sleep yet, I don’t think I can. I guess I’ll try to keep recording. Now I’m just listening to music to try and focus.

I hate when I get in these bad moods. It doesn’t matter. I wish voice acting didn’t mean talking to people. You make “friends” but they don’t really care. But you have to put on a good face to make a good impression. Or do you really? If I died today no one would really notice or care, they’d just recast my part and move along.

Someone asked why I do this voice acting stuff and I said I don’t know. I really don’t. It’s a hobby but it feels more like work. Take a break? I’m too stubborn. Being gone while my computer was down was hell. But if doing the lines is hell too then what am I to do?

I’ll figure it out one day I guess.